Everything We Don’t Know About Mass Effect Andromeda

Mass Effect Andromeda is THE next big game from Bioware, and is expected to release in Q1 of 2017. Being as though it’s currently Q1 of 2016, we’ve been able to deduce that the game is 4Qs away from being released, with a potential error factor of 1Qs. Bioware have been keeping a maternal parent on details that they HAVEN’T released yet, which means that aside from the title, and a Mako, and that it’s a game, we don’t know a whole lot. We can only guess at what’s in store for us in a future Q when the game is out, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.



What’s The Story

We don’t know what the story is. We can tell from the name that this is set in the same milieu that we were introduced to in Mass Effect, just as we can tell that it has something to do with Ann Dromeda, who is probably the main character.

Isn’t it Andromeda? And isn’t it a Galaxy?

Well, that makes a bit more sense. We don’t know if Andromeda is actually a galaxy or not. It’s previously been referred to as a Nebula, which means Cloud. Does this mean that Mass Effect Andromeda will have saves in the cloud? We think so, but we don’t know for sure.

Who Is The Main Character?

There has been speculation that the reason the first trailer for Mass Effect Andromeda had music by Johnny Cash is that the main character IS Johnny Cash. Other pieces of speculation, with information gleaned from video stills and the title of the song, suggest that the main character might not be Johnny Cash, but someone with a name inspired by a certain famous astronaut. Whatever the origins of this Commander Lightyear might be, it’s bound to be the perfect blank slate for characters to live out their fantasies through.

What About Other Characters?

We don’t know.

What’s The Theme?

The video that Bioware released on N7 Day (That’s November 7 to the uninitiated) talked about exploration, setting off into the great unknown in hopes of finding a new home. We’re expecting that this will be about humanity finding a home beyond the milky way, and colonising other planets.

Doesn’t The Theme of Colonisation Evoke Allusions To The Displacement Of Cultures By Imperial Hegemonies At A Time When We Have Still Not Allowed Such Cultures To Be Treated With Respect In Our Closed-Minded Society And Instead Treats Potential Planets As Paradises That Are Ripe For The Picking In The Face Of Mutually Coexisting?

Uhhhh, ooh there’s puppies in Mass Effect Andromeda!

There Are Puppies In Mass Effect Andromeda?

Uh, sure, why not. The coin says yes.

Does That Mean There Are Puppies In The Andromeda Galaxy NOW?

Logic implies that yes, puppies exist in the Andromeda Galaxy.

Is There A Dragon Age 4 On The Way?

This is about Mass Effect, not Dragon Age. Yes they’re both made by Bioware but they’re different games, and have different people working on them.

But Is There?

It’s not impossible, but given that there have not even been rumours about a Dragon Age 3, it’s unlikely to happen. Given that Bioware have released a Dragon Age game that has broken the sequence of numbers that were established in and by Dragon Age II, the more likely scenario is that if they return to the Dragon Age setting… The DA Setting… THEDAS (oh shush, you already knew that) but yes, if they return it’s more likely to have a title, such as Dragon Age: Andromeda.

I Really Liked Mass Effect.

That’s not a question.

You Never Said They Had To Be Questions.

Neither is that.

Is It A Shooter?

No, it’s an RPG.

Is It An RPG?

No, it’s a shooter.

What Can You Tell Us About Frostbite?

Frostbite is an injury to skin and tissue caused by freezing. It tends to happen in the extremities of a body when someone is exposed to extremely cold environments.

Frostbite Is The Game Engine.

Oh, is it? What’s it like?

It Looks Pretty And Has Nice Effects.

That’s always good news. We’re really hoping that Mass Effect Andromeda helps Bioware do what they’re know best for – 1080HD graphics at sixty frames a second.

Oh, that was a pun. Hah, nice.

Back To That Question About Colonis-


Are There Reapers?

Ah yes, “Reapers”. The immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in dark space. We don’t think so.

Is Shepard In This?

Bioware have said that the trilogy wrapped up Shepard’s story, stargazer comments notwithstanding. That said, we have a feeling that a certain someone may have some kind of role that relates to Mass Effect and if not this game, then definitely in the ones that precede it.

Which Ending Is This Based On?

The end of Mass Effect is something that’s specific to each player, and due to the nature of space and galaxies and time and plot devices, this question is open to whichever player wants to answer it, in however they want. In short, puppies.

Who Is Doing The Music?

Johnny Cash. The whole damned lot.

Will They Use A Song By Faunts?

Two out of three games in the Mass Effect trilogy featured a song by Faunts, which means there’s a 66% chance that a Mass Effect game uses a song by Faunts. We won’t know how this percentage might change when Mass Effect Andromeda is released, but it’s likely to change to anywhere from as low as 50%, right up to 75%.

Is Indoctrination Theory Real?

The theory is really a theory.

Is Indoctrination Theory True?

What’s really important to consider with that question is that everyone has had their own experiences, and while there was a time when such a revelation could have transformed the end of a trilogy from something okay to something extraordinary, you can’t discount the distracting influence of PUPPIES!!!

I’ve Heard A Lot Of News Recently About Bioware’s Staff Leaving.

Did you have a question?

Do They Have Staff?

We don’t know. Recent reports have shown that staff have left the company, but there is no way of knowing just what the company’s employee list might look like. Yes it’s possible that they have human employees just like it’s possible that they’re completely staffed by puppies. Given that it’s a 50/50 call on which one of these two choices is true, we’re going to go with YES – Bioware is staffed by puppies.

Do They Have Staves?

We don’t know. Recent reports have shown that staves were in Dragon Age Inquisition, but there is no way of knowing just what the company’s approach for Mass Effect might look like. Yes it’s possible that they have added staves just like it’s possible that they’ve added puppies. Given that it’s a 50/50 call on which one of these two choices is true, we’re going to go with YES – Bioware has added puppies to Mass Effect Andromeda.

Is There Multiplayer?

We don’t know for sure, but given that there has been multiplayer in Mass Effect 3 and Dragon Age Inquisition, it’s possible. Anything is possible. It might even be the case that you’ll be able to shoot, injure or otherwise kill enemies, that may or may not be players.

Why Do You Keep Avoiding The Real Qu– It’s Puppies, Isn’t It?


Do You Have Any More Puppy Pictures?



All Puppy Pictures from pixabay.com.

For more information about puppies, be sure to regular return to CleverGamePup!

2 thoughts on “Everything We Don’t Know About Mass Effect Andromeda

  • March 16, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    What we know for sure is that Andromeda is 2,5 milion light years away from us. How many light years until game premiere? Dunno. Hopefully no glitches on a premiere day. And protogonist must be Vorcha!


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